Okay. How many posts have you read about people leaving and then coming back to blogging? How many "I did a digital detox" posts have you seen on your timelines? How many "why I lost my inspiration" can there possibly be out there on the internet?
I didn't want to be someone who wrote this. I feel like I've talked about it here and there but never really devoted an entire post. I also haven't taken this long of a break since Spring of last year. Back at the beginning of really trying to improve my blog.
So here we are, the end of April. This month, man. This month has changed things.
Good, bad, uncomfortable, fantastic, confusing change.
As I said on my instagram and twitter I finally found a job at the beginning of the month. I convinced myself I would only need a week until I could figure out a blogging schedule. I told myself I would still try to do twitter chats over my lunch breaks.
The reality of what actually happened has clearly been different.
On top of this I had some personal change that also happened as a result of finding a job. I got busy and I decided to be selfish with the little time I did have to myself. I may talk about this more in-depth but I'm sure you can assume what I'm referring to.
Last week I felt lopsided... like a Stranger-things-upside-down version of my life. Do you ever feel like you are in a situation and then you are struck with the reality of it all? You look at the people around you and try to fit yourself back into the scene.
It's hard to describe (and I'm not sure I'm saying it right) but it's almost like you are an actor in a movie but then it's real. Then it's not acting and you're just yourself and these people around you are depending on you, figuring you out, wondering about who you are.
My life from April to March doesn't even remotely resemble itself anymore. Sure my friends are still my friends, my family is still my family. But the things I cared about for the past year since I graduated all took a very fast, very dramatic turn.
And so, for reasons I am only now understanding, my blog wasn't important to me. It was like a different Sam. I had a hard time being on twitter because I knew that I had only recently felt such a deep connection to the people on there. I didn't go on Instagram because I was frustrated at not seeing my current self in my posts anymore.
It's almost May, almost my 23rd birthday, almost the same time I graduated a year ago. But, I am a new version of my old self. I was jaded by the job search process and I dealt with working retail for months after letting my fear of failure win.
You should expect more from me this month. I wrote down how I was feeling in a journal the other day and feel devoted to shaping my new life, my new me back into my past self.
How dramatic is that?